And Here They Come!!

I took my friend horseback ridingto distract him from his gambling woes. His horse suddenly began running very fast. He yelled, “How do I get it to slow down”?? I couldn’t resist yelling back, “Try betting on it”!


Horse racing can be very exciting. It’s also pretty complicated. Those that really make money from it have to study hard. They review every horse, jockey and trainer carefully. They also pay close attention to the condition of the track.


Me? When I used to go I would only bet on a horse because their name sounded cool. A lot of guys choose to bet on a horse if it bears the name of their significant other. So silly, I know, but it’s fun. You normally lose everything you have while betting that way but going all of that studying? Blech!


If the track is muddy, you have to determine how well each horse runs in the mud. How well have they fared on that particular track? Has the horse just returned from an injury? Is he afraid of glue?


And the jockeys. You have to hire a private detective to tail him for a week or so. Find out if he’s sick, how things are going at home, has he been doing well lately, did he come from a good family, what kind of mood is he in, etc.


I think I would also take the racing form from that day to a psychic before I hit the track to bet. You’ll know instantly if the psychic is a phony instantly and you can at least get a refund from her by threatening to expose her as a fraud.


See what I mean? I really prefer the Tanya Harding method. Before each race, go to the stables and give every horse that you’re not going to bet on a good whack on a knee. 


Ok, before I get hate mail, I really wouldn’t do anything like that. I’d never hit an animal. I’d put something in their water. Heh, heh, heh.

Check out one of my very funny books here!

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