Run For Your Life!!

I think maybe this “Zoo” TV show might be for real. I walked out to the backyard yesterday and saw our dogs together. As I approached them, I heard one of them say, “Shhhhh, he’s coming”.


Animals controlling the world? Yikes! All it would take is one animal to look dastardly at me and I know I will give up. Even just a menacing look would lead to my downfall. Why? Because I’ve been married for 29 years, if you count them all.


And it’s not just wives. Heather’s best friend gave me the stink eye and sent chills down my spine. Then her daughter did the same thing! I have no idea how it works, but I’m pretty sure it’s just instinct. It’s the kind of look that Bruce Willis gives when someone annoys him. Very scary.


So, we have the first female presidential candidate at the same time the show is on prime time. Coincidence? I think not. No way. I have absolutely no problem with a female President. I really don’t. But I can’t help thinking that the animals and ladies are working together on a diabolical plan to take men out of the authority process altogether.


The stink eye will do it all by itself. Add the silent treatment (which I’m pretty sure was outlawed by the Geneva Convention) and “Better do, or else lists”, formerly known as the “Honeydo List” and I am firmly under control.


When the animals and the ladies join forces, it will be too late. Our collective geese will be cooked. All I’m saying is watch out and see the signs. If you notice your pets quietly whispering while huddled together, run away. Ask no questions. Just get in the car and go.


Be careful where you go. Be sure that you’re nowhere near a Zoo or Animal Sanctuary. You can’t be too careful. If you can find a well stocked storm cellar or panic room, hold up in there as long as possible. Take your sons with you. I’m telling you, it’s going to get ugly.


I think I have just written my first manifesto. Cool. I’ve secretly always wanted to write a manifesto. Reading it over, however, tells me I might need the hide out from mental health professionals. Either way, adios!

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2 thoughts on “Run For Your Life!!

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