Oops! Where Did That Come From???

    Sometimes when you cry no one sees your tears. Sometimes when you’re worried no one sees your pain. Sometimes when you’re happy no one sees your smile. But fart just one time…


    People say they don’t like fart jokes. That’s just not true. Farts are funny. How do I know? Every single time I’ve told one on stage, people laugh…hard. It begins early in life. Remember in third grade when that kid laughed just a little too hard and cut one? Funny.

    Sometimes at home, I’ll be in the kitchen knowing that Heather is going to come right in… Bam! She tells me it wasn’t funny and to stay out of the kitchen, which is certainly ok with me. If I stayed in the kitchen, it just means she would put me to work.


    Guys like to fart under the covers at night, just before his wife pulls back the blankets to get in to the bed. Sure, he’ll be sleeping in a different room that night, but he’ll be giggling all the way there.


    Once, Heather bought some new sheets. When she came out of the bathroom doing whatever a woman does in there to get ready for bed, she asked me if I noticed the new sheets. I told her yes, but they had a weird odor. She didn’t believe me so I told her to smell them herself, and she did!!


    I didn’t get to enjoy the new sheets for a week or so, but it was worth it. She’ll never fall for that one again, so I’ll have to be creative for the next strike. Maybe I’ll play the parachute game where you crank one and pull the blankets over her head. That’s funny. And I wonder why I’ve been divorced three times…

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