It’s Official. I’m Insane!!

There’s a butcher shop close to where we live. He’s not very bright. Occasionally, I buy meat there. Last Tuesday I asked him for two pork chops and to make them lean. He put them up on their side and said, “Which way”?

We all run into or share of knuckleheads in our lifetime. Thank goodness because without them there would be no baseline for comparison. And who knows? I could very well be the knucklehead in my group of friends. I’ve done a lot of crazy things in my life.I know it drives my wife crazy, but that’s kind of fun.

Once, while out to dinner with my friends, I was pretending to jam a swizzle stick up my nose. This stick was shaped just like an arrow. I intended to miss the thing but hit it straight on and jabbed it through the top of my nostril. I didn’t let anyone know, I just excused myself and slowly removed the stick from my nose.

Surprisingly, there was no blood. I was shocked. So I returned to the table and my friends were quite impressed with my “trick”. My girlfriend was not able to go with us because she had to work. She asked me if I had fun. I think I was supposed to say that it would have been a lot more fun if she had been there. She was mad.

I leaned over her and gave her a kiss. At least that was my plan. Suddenly three blood finally decided to gush out and I do mean gush. All over her face, blouse and head. Whatever you’re picturing in your head, it was worse. Much worse. My stupid nose wouldn’t stop bleeding. My girlfriend was ready to call 911, but I didn’t want to be known as an idiot to the paramedics. I just jammed as much gauze as I could in there and it finally stopped.

I had to tell her what I did because my friends were going to tell her anyway. Now she was really mad. She had to take another shower to get the blood of her. She was not a happy camper until she came out of the shower. Then she started to laugh. Let’s face it. It was kind of funny.

On a serious note, so many of my friends have come down with cancer. We lost a dear friend a few months ago and one of my best friends just had his last surgery. If you have been touched by this horrible disease, please click on the link below to see how you can help. Please and thank you!

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Facebook: Jerry Mabbott 

Twitter: @jmabbott



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