I’m in Big Trouble!!!

Heather got mad at me and gave me the silent treatment for a week. She finally asked me if I noticed anything different during the week. I said, “Yeah, we’ve been getting along great!” Wrong answer.

We all say stupid things from time to time. We then stand there like a moron and wish we’d never opened or mouth. Things like meeting up with an old friend who has gained weight and saying, “You really look different.I can’t put my finger on it, but I will.”

Or asking when the baby is due and the woman isn’t pregnant. That one is impossible to get away with. Better to just tell her that you are a moron and quickly walk away and hope you don’t get a streak knife in the back.

I have a friend who has no filter in his brain. He just says whatever is on his mind. For example, I’m pretty sick and have nearly died twice (thank God for CPR). The next few times I saw him, he said,”You’re still alive?” I finally had to tell him that it wasn’t funny.

Do you have friends like that? He finally said something absolutely horrible to my sister-in-law in front of my nephew. That was it. I had enough. I told him I had always given him the benefit of the doubt. No more, I told him. He crossed a line.

When I was young, I worked in a shoe store. I had a coworker named Bernie Joel, who was older and had obviously made it a career. He spoke with a New York dialect. He was a living caracature. One day he was waiting on a lady, so to strike up a conversation, he asked her if she had any children. She said she had one, a boy.

She told him that he had gone to Vietnam in the army. Bernie said, “Lucky to be alive.” She said, “He’s dead.” Game over. He turned the sale over to me because he had an “emergency”. It was true. He had obviously come down with a serious case of hoof in mouth disease.

Pick up a copy of my book, “The Twisted Musings of a Comedian” at Barnes and Nobles website.


Connect with me on:

Facebook: Jerry Mabbott 

Twitter: @jmabbott

Email: jerry.mabbott@gmail.com


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