It’s All in the Numbers!!

My favorite number is 4,253. Don’t ask. It’s classified and I  don’t want to lose another friend.

I used to work for the Department of Defense and everytime someone asked me what I did there, I always told them it was classified. It was far from the truth but a lot of fun seeing the look on their faces.

The truth was I had a secret security clearance, but not a top secret clearance which is what you need to view classified documents. I did, however work on a software program that held classified documents. But my job was to make sure those documents could only be seen by those who had the top secret clearance.

I was teaching a course on a new program the Air Force was rolling out. Just as the doors were closed I put both hands on the conference table and said “Listen up people! Everything I’m about to tell you stays in this room. Their eyes were wide with anticipation and then I had to tell them that I was just kidding and that I always wanted to say that. They were not amused.

Obviously, I like to have fun. If there are neighbors that I don’t like, I tell them I’m in the witness protection program and its best if they kept their distance. That’s fun. Even if they’re a long ways away, they still avoid eye contact.

Once, I asked a nosy neighbor if he knew anyone who could sell me plutonium. The guy freaked out and never talked to me again. Mission accomplished. There’s all kinds of ways to get rid of unwanted people who are trying to pry their way into your life. You can tell them “Don’t get too close. I’m radio active”. It freaks them out and they’ll never bug you again.

These are pretty cool ideas. Give me your best ones and the winner will get my book, “The Twisted Musings of a Comedian, volume II”. Take your best shot!

Visit my website!

4 thoughts on “It’s All in the Numbers!!

  1. Oh that’s all cool!! Much LOL
    Thus inspired:
    “Oh, this reminds of a case I was working in H M Inspector of Taxes” (UK’s equiv of IRS)

    PS: Kindled- read-and enjoyed said book- Will do a review on UK’s Amazon (if I can get my memory into gear)

    Liked by 1 person

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