And Now, the Man Who Can Turn Himself Into an Old Geezer, David Letterm…Wait! Stop! Who??

“NASA’s Mars Lander found traces of ice and salt on Mars. Right now it’s searching for tequila”. 

                                        ~David Letterman

David Letterman was always one of my favorite comedians. Anything for a laugh, right? Throwing things off the top of the building, having seemingly random people walk out on stage during his monologue with ridiculously funny things to say (most of the time), putting Rupert, owner of Rupert’s Deli, on the air for some fun segments. 

He also had his trusty sidekick, Paul Shaffer about whom Dave said many times that there was no way he could do the show without him. High praise. In Dave’s case, I think it was true. He needed Paul to help him out when he was taking a nose dive during opening segments. 

Most of us remember the Academy Awards Show disaster when Dave Hosted. It was awful and to make matters worse, he knew he was bombing in front of millions and couldn’t stop. 

So, what do you do? You get back to the comfort of your own show and make fun of yourself, which is something he normally did anyway. Problem solved. Although he was a guest on Oprah, Regis and Kelly and I’m not sure about Dr. Phil. Each time, he would talk about how horrible he was. 

Then there was the famed top ten every night. We all loved it. I’ll attempt my own. 

The Top Ten reasons why I miss the Top Ten:

  1. Now my jokes are the worst I hear all day. 
  2. It’s much more difficult to fall asleep now. 
  3. I always thought I would get hired as one of his writers for the top ten 
  4. I don’t get to hear my wife complain about how Karnak was so much better. 
  5. Two Words: Steven Colbert 
  6. I don’t get to hear as many Chris Christie fat jokes. 
  7. Getting to hear people who can barely speak reciting one of the jokes. 
  8. He would have had so much fun talking about “that thing on Donald Trump’s head”. 
  9. It was always fun to hear Dave’s mom read the top ten. 
  10. And the number one reason why I miss the Top Ten list… insulting your first guest and then back peddling to try and get out of trouble 

There it is ladies and gentlemen, tonight’s Top Ten!

He had stupid animal and people jokes which were most funny when they didn’t work. He had Jay Thomas on each Christmas to recount the story about how Vinny Testeverde was trying to knock a meatball off the top of the Christmas tree and couldn’t seem to do it. Finally, Jay Thomas, waiting as a guest on the show came out, grabbed a football and with one shot knocked the meatball right off the top. 

Every Christmas from then on, Thomas and Letterman would compete to knocking a meatball off the top of the tree. Thomas would then tell a wild and true story about when he and a friend were giving Clayton Moore, the original Lone Ranger, a ride back to the studio..I can’t do the story justice, so please look it up on YouTube. You’ll be glad you did. 

I miss you, Dave. 


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