Weird Things Happen to Me!!!

You own your dog. Your cat owns you. 

  
Ok, last night I had one of the most bizarre thing happen to me in my entire life. (Of course it’s my entire life, it would be weird to say ‘in half of my life’) 

 
I went out to the mailbox to see if a piece of  important mail had arrived. Skunked again! Some of you will get the reference. Anyway, I was walking back to the house when I noticed a dark silhouette of a person to my right. Mistake one, I said hello. 

  
She asked me if I could help find her cat. Mistake two, I said I would. She was holding a cane , but not using it. She also wasn’t looking for the cat. My mind suddenly flashed back to all of the “Criminal Minds” episodes that begin just like this, then the Good Samaritan is knocked unconscious by the presumably innocent person in distress. 

 
Inside our house, Heather was wondering why I had been gone for such a long time. It should have taken me maybe a minute to complete the task. It had been fifteen minutes and would be longer and in 25 degree temperatures. 

  
I tried to tell the woman that I was having my knee replaced in a couple weeks, so I wouldn’t be able to run. She shrugged it off and said she was going to have back surgery soon. Ok, but could she help find her own freaking cat??

  
Mistake three, I found the cat and picked it up. I went to hand the cat to her at the same time a transit bus came around the corner. She freaked out and started yelling, “That’s my bus. That’s my bus”!! What??

 
Mistake four. She hands me some keys and tells me that she lives in the brown house on the corner and to let her cat in and she would pick up the key tomorrow. I swear this really happened. 

Heather is now thinking of calling the police. Where could he be?? Mistake five. I found a brown house on the corner. There was no porch light on so I was trying to hold on to the cat, who was now that really freaking out and gouging any exposed flesh, and fumbling with the keys. Suddenly a guy opens the door and in a very threatening tone. I guess it was appropriate considering I was trying to break into his house – with a cat. 

  
I finally found the right house, got the door open, released the freaked out cat and was hit with an incredible wave of strong alcohol aroma. Now things were starting to make more sense. 

She still hasn’t come for her keys. 

Help fight cancer! My new Stand Up Comedy DVD is now available! Get yours today! Just use your PayPal account to jerry.mabbott@gmail.com or send a check to me at 744 W 4400 S, Riverdale, UT 84405. It’s a very funny and clean DVD and was shot during my very last headlining gig. 20% of every sale goes to The Huntsman Cancer Foundation. Get yours today!

  
Facebook: Jerry Mabbott 

Twitter: @jmabbott

Blog: jerrymabbott.com

  

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s