This Won’t Hurt a Bit!!

My grandparents went to the dentist. Grandma said, I need a tooth pulled fast because we’re late for a party. No Novocain and no gas. Let’s just pull it, pay and go. The dentist told her he was very impressed and asked which tooth needed to come out. She said to gramps, “Get over here and show him which tooth”!


I just returned from the dentist’s office. I had a deep cleaning because I’m an idiot and didn’t go for a few years. A regular cleaning is not so bad. In fact it’s easy. Since their office is less than half a mile from my house, I’d be an idiot again not to go. 

I have to go back in a few weeks to get a couple of cavities filled and to fix a chipped tooth. I’ve never had a cavity before, so I was kind of stunned when he told me I had two! I know! Crazy. At least I don’t need a root canal or a crown. Those crazy things are expensive!


This is the place to go!
I know one of my siblings has never had a cavity. Ever. I don’t know about the rest of the family. None of us look like we have meth mouth, so that’s a plus. I knew two guys who used to brag about never brushing their teeth. There are two really odd things about this. Why would you brag about it? And they were both married! How? What woman would stand for that?

It would be kind of like bragging that you don’t bathe. I have no idea who might be even remotely impressed by that. I can hear it now. One guy says, “I passed the bar”! And the other guy saying, “Oh yeah? Well I haven’t brushed my teeth since 1967”. I saw one of the guys not long ago and he either had some major caps done or got implants. 
Yuk! Just the thought of it makes me want to dry heave. And yes, their breath was atrocious. I avoided them like the plague, which is kind of stupid because the plague is really not very hard to avoid these days. 

All I know is I will see the dentist every four months. I think I would prefer to keep all of my teeth for a long time. 

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Twitter: @jmabbott


Help Fight Cancer!

My new Stand Up Comedy DVD is now available! Get yours today! It’s only $27 including domestic postage And 20% of every DVD sold goes directly to the Huntsman Cancer Foundation. 

Just use your PayPal account to or send a check to me at 744 W 4400 S, Riverdale, UT 84405. It’s a very funny and clean DVD and was shot during my very last headlining gig. 


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