Power Ball!!!

What’s the big deal about the 1.3 billion dollar Power Ball drawing? After taxes it’s only worth 800 million. So as soon as you win, you owe the IRS 500 million dollars. Willie Nelson did that without even winning the lottery.

 
Yes, I’m one of the knuckleheads who will not buy a ticket for the giant lottery prize. Why? What if I won? I wouldn’t claim the prize for months because it would take me at least that long to hire a top notch security team, accounting firm, negotiate the mob’s cut and buy as many firearms as I could possibly carry. 

 
Everyone would be after my money. I’d be like Steve Martin’s character in “The Jerk”. One sob story after another. Although we really could put an end to cat juggling once and for all. I’d need to hire Liam Neeson to screen the requests. 

  
The power ball is so big that rich celebrities are even participating. Let’s see… most “A List” actors get about 20 million per film so 800 million would be the equivalent of doing 40 films. If a rich person wins, their life won’t be worth a plugged nickel. I have no idea what that means but I’ve always wanted to write it. 

  
If a married person wins, that union is over. When people start thinking about being single with 400 million dollars in the bank, I think the normal pleasantries that keeps a marriage together would instantly vanish. Plus hit men would be in high demand and the whole thing would end up on Nightline. 

  
The other reason I didn’t buy a ticket is waiting in line. I don’t do well in lines. I have seizures while waiting in lines. I’m not sure why but I think it has something to do with waiting in line to get married in Las Vegas. That didn’t end well. 

  
Congratulations to the winner tomorrow. The new Howard Hughes type of hermit. Good luck. 

See you tomorrow. 

  
My new Stand Up Comedy DVD is now available! Get yours today! Just use your PayPal account to jerry.mabbott@gmail.com or send a check to me at 744 W 4400 S, Riverdale, UT 84405. It’s a very funny and clean DVD and was shot during my very last headlining gig. 

Facebook: Jerry Mabbott 

Twitter: @jmabbott

Blog: jerrymabbott.com

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