Oh Christmas Tree…

Buying a pre-lit tree can save your marriage!

  
I know at my house, Christmas just isn’t Christmas until I lose my religion at least twice, while putting lights on the tree. There is just no easy way to do it. The lights get tangled as you try your best to string the lights evenly throughout the tree.

  
Invariably, there are either not enough, or far too many lights when you think you’ve finished. Yes, think. The final inspection belongs to the wife and if you think she’s going to be satisfied with your first attempt, forget about it. Not gonna happen.

  
The four words I hate more than anything else during this god awful chore are, “You missed a spot.”, after you think you’ve finished. Of course the spot you missed is right in the center, so you can’t just shift the lights around, you must take the lights off of the tree, from the bottom, in order to fix the dark section. 

  
So, you remove half of the lights, repair the blackout, only to discover that now you don’t have enough lights to cover the tree clear to the bottom. Then, you have to attach a whole new set, just to finish the bottom, so now you have to try to hide 10′ of lites, which are lit, so it doesn’t appear that your fourth grader did the job. 

 The answer? An artificial, pre-lit tree. The problem? This is an artificial, pre-lit tree. So, why am I stringing lights on it? Great question. We bought the tree three years ago, and decided to leave it up and lit until all of the lights burned out. It made it through June.

 
Fun? Yes? Stupid? Also yes. It seemed like a good idea at the time. We would just buy another tree the next year. Well, the next year came, we looked at trees and decided that it was a waste of money to buy a new tree, when we had a great tree at home and we could just spend a few bucks on lights and keep the old tree. Lights. Ugh!
Trust me, this year we got a new, pre-lit tree and we’ll take it down on January 2nd.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, we need to start our hunt for the Easter eggs we hid in the spring.
See you tomorrow.

I’m now taking preorders for my new stand up comedy DVD. Let me know if you want one. $25 plus $2 domestic shipping. $5 from each sale goes directly to the Huntsman Cancer Foundation!
My book, The Twisted Musings of a Comedian II, is ready to purchase at: Amazon.com Get a copy for someone on your list. And one for you!


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