I used to try to golf with some friends every Friday afternoon”. One day I was really frustrated after leaving so many divots (for my friends who don’t golf, it’s digging up the grass and dirt with your club as you swing). I said, “I would move Heaven and Earh just to have a decent score”! My friend Breadon said, “You might want to try Heaven because you’ve already moved most of the earth”.
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These guys were hilarious to golf with. They were relentless with me. They cut me no slack. So I had no choice but to cheat. Hey, don’t judge me. I knew this was as far as I was going to get with this crazy game. I started the Happy Gilmore at the tee, which always made my buddies laugh hard, but it was the only way I could hit a long straight shot down the fairway.
Now it was time to cheat. I would tee up on the fairway. I know! But it was the only way I could hit the ball and not destroy that portion of the grass. My friends knew I was doing it and thought it was hilarious. Even my PGA friend laughed. I never finished with less than 8 on any hole. Ever. Each time our scorekeeper asked for our scores I would just say “snowman”. She would always give me par.
My brothers all golf and they’re pretty good at it. Way better than me. They all get good scores and once in a while they’ll get great scores. They can “read” the greens which means they know how the terrain is going to send the ball a certain direction. That takes skill and patience. I have neither all while judging the distance.
I finally stopped playing. It was too expensive and an incredible waste of time to justify going every week. I’ll stick with my real calling. Telling stupid jokes to strangers.
See you tomorrow.
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