I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up!!

Everyone says Fall is so wonderful. Fall is really no big deal. I do it all the time. 

  
This weekend we get to turn our clocks back. Spring ahead and Fall back, right? That means that we get an additional hour of sleep, except it never really works that way, does it?
  

Heather and I will just stay up an hour later watching one more episode of The Gillmore Girls on Netflix. Poof! The hour is gone. I really don’t think most of us spend that extra hour sleeping. In fact its down right dangerous. Prowlers get an extra hour to work. So do gangs and the mob. I think I read somewhere that crime increases 7,534% during that hour. 

  
There are a number of people who do not benefit from the extra hour at all. People who are incarcerated for 23 hours a day probably hate it. It messes with their schedule. A fresh serving of breakfast gruel which is normally served at seven is now served at eight. Arizona is better for locked up crooks because their time remains consistent year round. No gruel lag for those folks. 

  
I keep forgetting that some prisons have the internet. Right now there are crazed killers posting my picture on the wall in their cell. I’ve become a target. Just in case, I don’t live in Utah. I hail from Montreal, Canada. I live high in the mountains in a small cabin and I’m armed like a mercenary. I’m Canada’s version of Ted Kazinsky so don’t mess with me. 

  
So you see my point. That extra hour is very dangerous. We should do away with daylight savings time and follow Arizona’s example. Crime will remain consistent year round and I think that’s better for all of us. 

  
And what’s with the reminder to change the batteries in our smoke detectors too? Don’t they realize that chore will take at least an hour? Defeats the purpose, doesn’t it? Instead of that I’ll play the hide and seek game as one of them starts beeping because that’s just fun. 

  
I will begin lobbying for the ouster of this ridiculous and dangerous hour. Who’s with me?
See you tomorrow. 
Facebook: Jerry Mabbott 

Twitter: @jmabbott

Blog: jerrymabbott.com

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