You Need Glasses!!!

My Aunt and Uncle went for a drive and stopped for lunch. Afterward they were about 25 miles from the diner when my Aunt noticed she left her glasses on the table. He was mad that they had to go back to get them and rudely gave her a lecture about leaving things behind. When they got back to the diner, she headed in when my uncle said, “Since you’re going to be in there, you might as well get my hat”.

  
I have a tendency to lose things. I can’t begin to tell you how many pairs of glasses. (why do we refer to them as a pair when there’s only one?) I lose all sorts of things. Important things like my wedding ring. I know! 

  
I’ve lost three of them, which sort of ticks my wife off. I honestly have no idea where they went. I lose weight from time to time and the ring becomes loose so when I dry my hands in a restroom I inadvertently throw my ring away with the paper towels. 

  
That has happened many times so that’s more than likely what happened to them. It’s not like I go to a bar trolling for women and take my ring off. Heck I rarely even get out of the house these days. So trust isn’t a concern to my wife. She just gets irritated because we have to keep buying rings. 

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I offered to make one out of aluminum foil but she wouldn’t go for that. I know what I’m getting for Christmas this year and she said she’s going to buy it a whole size too small so it won’t slip off of my finger anymore. I’m worried about blood circulation but if I end up losing the finger I won’t have to worry about a wedding ring. 

  
If I were her I would buy it at a pawn shop or Walmart. The cheapest one she can find. Maybe buy three of them just in case. Why not? I bought five “pairs” of glasses quite a while ago and ironically haven’t lost any of them since.  

  
In any event, I need to get a ring so women will stop hitting on me. Yeah right. Men my age consider a simple smile as a come on. We walk away thinking, “Yeah, she wants me.” We live in that fantasy world where we feel the need to think we’ve still got it. Most of the time if a woman stares and smiles it’s because I have something in my teeth or my fly is open. 

See you tomorrow. 
Facebook: Jerry Mabbott 

Twitter: @jmabbott

Blog: jerrymabbott.com

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