Let Me Out Of Here!!

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.
A friend of mine, Jon, works at a hospital. He found one old man dressed and sitting on the bed holding a suitcase, who said he didn’t need help to leave the hospital. Jon insisted. On the way down, Jon asked him if his wife was meeting him. “I don’t know,” he said. “She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.”


I have spent way too much time in hospitals. Prior to hitting the ripe old age of 40, the only time I was hospitalized was for a tonsillectomy. I was 13.


Since turning 40, I have have had heart surgery, had a kidney removed (my choice. I donated one to my nephew.), I’ve had a foot of intestine removed, an appendectomy, knee surgery and shoulder, in for diverticulitis 3 times and spent 4 days under observation for seizures.


Compare that to my brother, Jim, who hasn’t even had so much as a cavity! I know! How can that be? He’s been hit by a car, was in a terrible car accident and fell three stories – onto concrete! No broken bones! Incredible!

I don’t understand it. He’s retired and still works as a consultant and a liaison between Congress and the governor of Oregon. Me? I’m on full disability, due to the seizures. Crazy. How does that happen? We come from the same gene pool. Who knows?


My sister, Joanna, has had a lot of issues. Diabetes, thyroid issues and rheumatoid arthritis. In fact, there is a pretty funny story about her thyroid treatment. They needed to kill off a part of it, so they used radiation.

No one could touch her for three days without being exposed to radiation. She chose that time to move to Montana, in a Nissan Van. While driving in a  snow storm, her van veered off the road and fell on it’s side. When the police got there, they asked her if she had been drinking. Joanna, who never drinks alcohol, said no.

The officer reached for her hand to help her out of the van, when she yelled at him, “Don’t touch me, I’m radioactive”! That went over like a fart in church. I honestly don’t know why they didn’t give her a sobriety test when she finally got out of the van. Instead they up righted the van and off she went.


I’m certain that if it were me, I would have ended up in a behavioral ward for at least a week. I don’t know. I just accept life for what it is. What else can you do?

See you tomorrow.

Connect with me on:
Facebook: Jerry Mabbott
Twitter: @jmabbott
Web: jerrymabbott.com


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