As a lawyer had just been pulled over, he got out of his car when a semi hit the open door and ripped it right off. “My Beemer!”, screamed the lawyer. The cop said, “You haven’t even noticed that your arm is gone too!” The lawyer screamed, “My Rolex!”
Everyone likes to pick on lawyers, but the truth is we need them badly. Most everyone who tries to represent themselves in court loses. Why? They don’t know the law, when to object, precidential cases and I think it really ticks off the judges.
Stories like “My Cousin, Vinnie” are great fun, but life is just not the same. I think the only way I would ever represent myself is if I was already serving life without parole so it wouldn’t matter if I was convicted or not. I would have some fun and do an Al Pacino impression the whole time.
I might also bring in a glove that was too small to try on, just to say, “If it doesn’t fit, you must aquit, even if it had nothing to do with the case. It worked for OJ, right? You never know.
The other part that would be a problem would be jury selection. You wouldn’t know what questions to ask in order to give yourself a fighting chance. I’d probably ask, “So do I look guilty to you?” That’s a great question! But, again, I don’t know if you’re allowed to ask that.
I don’t think, as a comedian, I would be a good attorney at all. If I was behind the podium, with a live microphone, I wouldn’t be able to help myself. All of the notes you see attorneys take during a trial, I would use for writing new material when it was time for cross examination.
If I did well and made the jury laugh hard every time, my client might have a shot. But, if I bombed in my closing argument, it would be the end of the line for my guy. I’m pretty sure I’d end up in the slammer for a few days for contempt of court.
The good news is that my client would, no doubt appeal and win because his idiot lawyer never tried to prove his innocence. But really, isn’t it really all about telling jokes? Court would be so much more fun. Plus, it would give us comedians a gig when they’re struggling to get them. I see no down side.
See you tomorrow.
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See you tomorrow! Jerry