I’ve been married so often, I keep an attorney and a minister on retainer at all times.
After my third failed marriage, I decided to stay single – forever! I was done. True love, in my mind, was a fallacy. Something dreamed up by Lifetime, Kay Jewelers, Harlequin Romance novels and Hallmark Greeting Cards. Forget it. It was a myth designed to get my money.
I decided to be very picky about who I dated, and made sure they understood that I didn’t want anything serious at all and the millisecond I felt like the relationship was being taken to the “next level”, it would be over. I didn’t want the next level, just one. If they agreed, great. If not, I was outta there.
I will admit that I did end up getting caught up into the next level a couple of times, but managed to escape just in time. What I failed to understand was my attitude became a challenge to most women who thought they could change me.
Women are very smart and peculiar creatures. Some of them are so good, you don’t see it coming. You just wake up one day and realize that you’re dating someone exclusively. I managed to stay single for nine years. I went from Larry King to George Clooney almost overnight.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m really not comparing myself to George Clooney. He’s in a league all by himself, but even he finally succumbed to the lure of matrimony. We’ll see how long it lasts.
Then on September 11th, 1996, I met Heather. She was and still is a very sweet lady. In December that year, I finally asked her out on a date. She said yes so we went to a movie, then to dinner at Red Robin. I was quite a bit older than she was, 18 years. I know!
So here we were at Red Robin, having a great time, when the waitress asked, “So, is this a Daddy – Daughter date?” Talk about awkward. I said no, and that waitress vanished in the blink of an eye.
Heather and I didn’t go on another date for a year. The obvious age difference really freaked me out. But we wound up dating again and I was trying to keep it at just a first stage dating level. We were both comedians and one night, I told her I would go line dancing with her after the show, something I had no intention of doing.
So, we were hanging out at the local watering hole after the show and I was sitting at a table, surrounded by some beautiful women. I was having a great time, then Heather reminded me that it was time to go dancing.
I told her I had changed my mind and was going to stay there. I know, a jerky thing to do, but I felt like things were beginning to move to the next level. Yikes! So another guy said he would take her. I had a bit too much to drink, so one of the ladies gave me a ride back to my buddy’s house, where I was staying.
Since my buddy owned the local comedy club, comedians hung out there all the time. When we got to the house, the young lady asked to use the bathroom. When we walked in the house, there was Heather and her “date” sitting on the love seat. When my ride returned to leave, I saw Heather and that knucklehead kissing.
I was really bothered by that. I mean REALLY bothered. I kept thinking, “This is a good thing. You don’t want to move things to the next level!” I didn’t sleep the entire night. The next day, I called Heather and told her I thought we should date exclusively. What was I saying??? I realized that I was in love. Crap! How did this happen?
We’ve been married now for 17 years and we’re still happy. Mind you, there have been many rocky moments, but we stuck it out and are closer than ever. It just goes to show you that even though you think you have eluded love, it can still get you and if it’s true love, it can last.
Just in case, I still have the attorney and minister in my back pocket. 🙂
See you tomorrow.
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See you tomorrow! Jerry