A 911 dispatcher received this call last week. “Please help me, there’s a cat near me.” “Calm down. Unless it’s a bobcat, it won’t hurt you.” “This one will! It’s just staring at me, and I know it’s going to attack me soon!” “Ma’am…” “What do you mean, Ma’am? I’m a parrot, you idiot!”
I know a couple of emergency dispatchers. They have the ability to remain calm during extremely volatile conditions. I could never do it. I’m not what you would call a master of coolness in an emergency.
Instead of reassuring the person on the other end of the line, I’m pretty sure I’d be making matters much worse. “911, what’s your emergency?” “I think there’s an intruder in my house.” “Really? You THINK there’s an intruder? Why don’t you hang up, check the house to be sure and call me back.”
Sometimes I think the calls might be funny. Here are some real examples: A burglar in Shelby County, Ohio, was caught by police after he accidentally butt-dialed 911 while breaking into a home.
A fire department raced to battle a fire at the local Canadian Football League stadium. The fire, it turns out, was a burning log displayed on the stadium’s giant video screen. I wonder how many beers that caller had that night.
A man saw a mysterious flying object that lit up the sky. He immediately called 911. But before the police could react, the man called back, saying the mystery was solved. The UFO was actually the moon.
I think you would also get regular callers, too. They would annoy me. Eventually, I would probably send the police to the residence, telling them there was an intruder pretending that he lives there. He would be arrested and that would be the final call on my last day at that job.
See you tomorrow.
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See you tomorrow! Jerry