I used to work for the Air Force. One day, the chief came into our office and told the guy with the shredder, “I have a very important document. Looking at the shredder, he asked,” How do you work this thing?” My co-worker said “Just put the paper in the slot and push the button. The boss said, “Great. And where do the copies come out?”
I think I’ve mentioned people who are technically challenged, but the stories are fun. I once had a boss who was less computer savvy than Leroy Jethro Gibbs, from NCIS.
The boss got a new desktop computer and was getting settled in. His door was open just a crack, so I peeked in and he told me the computer was broken. I told him that was pretty rare, since IT had already checked it out. I asked him what problem he was having and he told me that the remote didn’t work. Remote? Then he picked up the mouse and pointed it at the screen and began clicking it. He was very embarrassed.
In my early career, before comedy, I worked in the electronics department in a department store. Among other things, we sold a small, black and white television, with an audio cassette player built in. People would buy them and then return them. They were very angry. It was always the same problem. They said the unit wouldn’t record.
On audio and video cassettes, if you didn’t want someone to tape over something important, you would break off a little tab on the back. Without that tab, no cassette player’s red record button would work. You couldn’t press it down.
So, at least once a day, someone would try to return it, being very rude because we sold such an inferior product. I asked them for the cassette on which they were trying to record, then show them how it worked. Most people were pretty embarrassed, apologized and left.
One woman, however, came in ranting and raving like a crazy person and by the end of this ordeal I was convinced that my diagnosis was correct. She didn’t have a cassette with her, and I had a couple in a drawer and I began to demonstrate the process to her.
I took the cassette out of the drawer and showed her that the record button went down easily. Then I pulled out my SWISS ARMY KNIFE, the smallest one and was going to pop the tab off. The woman went all Alec Baldwin on me. She began screaming, “Don’t you pull a knife on me! You all saw it! He pulled a knife on me!”
She demanded to see the manager, so I paged him. He came back and she went ballistic on him, too, and she told him to call the cops because she wanted me arrested. The manager, Mr. Walker, called the police. One took her aside to get her story, while the other officer talked to Mr. Walker and me.
The officer talking to the crazy woman came over and asked to see my knife. I showed it to him and he smiled and said he needed to confiscate it. I gave it to him and both officers thanked us and escorted the crazy woman, still yelling for them to arrest me.
A few minutes later, Mr. Walker gave me my knife back. One of the officers had slipped it to him when they left. Thank goodness I never saw that lunatic again.
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See you tomorrow! Jerry