I’ve had so many body parts removed, I think my doctor is harvesting my organs. I’m not kidding. So far, it’s been a kidney, tonsils, appendix, 12″ of colon, and a couple of years ago, one of the twins ran away from home.
I wish I was kidding, but I’m not. I woke up on a Saturday morning, about 4 o’clock, feeling like someone was beating one of them with a sledge hammer. My first reaction was “Aw,nuts!” The pain didn’t stop, so we finally went to see my doctor.
I just thought it was a urinary tract infection. He did, as well, but just to be on the safe side, he sent me to the hospital for an ultrasound. I don’t know if you’ve ever had an ultrasound on your privates, but its not a pleasant experience. Especially when the technician is a cute young lady. No eye contact – at all!!
She left and suddenly, a team of people with a gurney stormed in and rushed me into surgery. The surgeon told me they were going to do everything he could to save it. Really? Save it? You’ve got to be kidding. I don’t want you to save it, I just wanted the pain to stop!
As they were wheeling me into the Operating Room, I heard my lovely, concerned wife yell, “Don’t worry, Jerry, I’ll still love you even if you’re half of a man!” Great. Those are not thoughts someone needs to have just prior to going under the knife in that region.
When I woke up, the surgeon was there, looking very sad. He said, “We did everything we could, but we couldn’t save it.” Save it? I couldn’t care less! The pain was gone and that’s all I cared about.
Then he started talking to me about prosthetics. Apparently, there are many from which to choose. I said, “Doc, I’m 56 years old, I’ve been married for nearly 16 years. The only time my wife would be looking down there is if she lost her cell phone.”
But it was ok. In fact, I ended up having a ball.
See you tomorrow.
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See you tomorrow! Jerry