I Now Pronounce You… Wait! What the Heck am I Doing???

Charles Man­son, 80, con­victed of con­spir­acy to com­mit mul­tiple murders, has ob­tained a li­cense to marry 26 year old Af­ton Elaine Bur­ton, who he’s been seeing for the past seven years. The couple will honeymoon in their minds because he’s not allowed conjugal visits.


Burton scoffs at the notion that “Charlie” manipulates anyone. Let’s see, he’s about 80 and she’s 26…


I’m not saying the warden is worried about Manson escaping after the wedding, but the couple is registered at Ace Hardware.


Manson insisted on a prenuptial agreement which, in the event that things don’t work out, (what could possibly go wrong?) he would retain rights to all shives manufactured prior to the marriage, while Burton will receive every-other-weekend visits with the rat in Manson’s cell.


Nothing yet about a possible book or movie deal, but you’ll definitely hear the name Afton Burton on every late night TV show monolog for years to come.


I’m sure she’s not in it for fortune and fame. After all, Manson has no money and it’s not like marrying him would thrust her into the spotlight or anything. And she flatly denied the accusation that she has recently purchased Paris Hilton’s latest self help book, “How to Become Rich and Famous by Contributing Absolutely Nothing to Society”.


When asked what she would spend time on after the nuptials, Afton said, “Well, I have my charities, Charlie’s case and I promised my parents I would check myself into the best mental health facility in the world until I can figure out why I’m doing something so mindlessly blind and self destructive. So, I should stay pretty busy.”

I’ll follow up and keep you informed on the happy couple’s big day and prison yard gala!

See you tomorrow.

Connect with me on:
Facebook: Jerry Mabbott
Twitter: @jmabbott
Web: jerrymabbott.com

See you tomorrow! Jerry


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