I Kid You Not!!

I kid you not. We hear it all the time. Talks like that, who?

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It’s very strange, the human mind.  We hear things as children, and even though a bell should go off in our head, realizing that we’re suddenly talking like Yoda, we don’t. We’re conditioned to become morons for one sentence. I guess that’s ok.

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There are more examples, such as “No can do”. What? I guess that’s easier than admitting that “I can’t do that”, which is what a normal human being would say. But, then again, who knows what normal is? Some crazy phrases don’t have to be used sideways or backwards to sound crazy.

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How about “It’s more fun than a barrel of monkeys”. Other than the childrens’ game, I’ve never seen a barrel of monkeys, and I’m not sure I want to. I don’t even want to try to picture that in my head. It sounds like a good plot for “Criminal Minds”.

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Or, “Chew the fat”, a phrase used to describe talking to someone casually. Again, that conjures up visuals that I really don’t want. I was at a company Christmas party years ago. I was a supervisor and I was meeting the spouses of my employees at dinner. A female employee sitting across from me introduced me to her husband. He looked at my plate, which had only the fat I carved from my steak and said, “Are you going to eat that”? Gross and horribly inappropriate.

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Now truck drivers, on the other hand, are in a different class altogether. I have a lot of respect for what they do, because my Dad was a truck driver for 37 years. So, I know a little about the business, and a lot about their language.

Ask most any trucker what does for a living, and he will say “I drive truck.” What was that? I drive truck? It’s the only profession where it’s an acceptable job description. We don’t even bat an eye when we hear it.

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Imagine a teacher, like my all-time favorite, Judy Senter Ruben, responding to the question of what she does for a living, by saying “I teach kid.” A comedian, “I tell joke.” Crazy.

I remember asking my Dad how his day went. He said “I pulled Benbow in 3rd double under.” I said, “That’s awesome.”, then walked away completely bewildered.

It really happened that way. I kid you not.

See you tomorrow.

Connect with me on:

Facebook: Jerry Mabbott
Twitter: @jmabbott

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