I Kid You Not!!

I kid you not. We hear it all the time. Talks like that, who?


It’s very strange, the human mind.  We hear things as children, and even though a bell should go off in our head, realizing that we’re suddenly talking like Yoda, we don’t. We’re conditioned to become morons for one sentence. I guess that’s ok.


There are more examples, such as “No can do”. What? I guess that’s easier than admitting that “I can’t do that”, which is what a normal human being would say. But, then again, who knows what normal is? Some crazy phrases don’t have to be used sideways or backwards to sound crazy.


How about “It’s more fun than a barrel of monkeys”. Other than the childrens’ game, I’ve never seen a barrel of monkeys, and I’m not sure I want to. I don’t even want to try to picture that in my head. It sounds like a good plot for “Criminal Minds”.


Or, “Chew the fat”, a phrase used to describe talking to someone casually. Again, that conjures up visuals that I really don’t want. I was at a company Christmas party years ago. I was a supervisor and I was meeting the spouses of my employees at dinner. A female employee sitting across from me introduced me to her husband. He looked at my plate, which had only the fat I carved from my steak and said, “Are you going to eat that”? Gross and horribly inappropriate.


Now truck drivers, on the other hand, are in a different class altogether. I have a lot of respect for what they do, because my Dad was a truck driver for 37 years. So, I know a little about the business, and a lot about their language.

Ask most any trucker what does for a living, and he will say “I drive truck.” What was that? I drive truck? It’s the only profession where it’s an acceptable job description. We don’t even bat an eye when we hear it.


Imagine a teacher, like my all-time favorite, Judy Senter Ruben, responding to the question of what she does for a living, by saying “I teach kid.” A comedian, “I tell joke.” Crazy.

I remember asking my Dad how his day went. He said “I pulled Benbow in 3rd double under.” I said, “That’s awesome.”, then walked away completely bewildered.

It really happened that way. I kid you not.

See you tomorrow.

Connect with me on:

Facebook: Jerry Mabbott
Twitter: @jmabbott


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