Somebody Shrunk My Clothes!

During fall and winter, I always seem to put on a few pounds, but I don’t worry because when spring comes around, I always buy bigger clothes.


I don’t know for sure why we have a tendency to eat more comfort food during fall and winter, I only know that we do. At least I know that I do. My wife rarely bakes during spring and summer but beginning October 1st, the oven is on constantly.


Pumpkin cookies, pumpkin bread, sugar cookies, cakes, always something to temp me and I’m weak. We seem to eat more pizza, too. Hearty meals this season seems to help deal with the cold weather, ice and snow. Great, now I want ice cream and a snow cone.

Today, I will slow cook a pot roast. I like that because it’s easy and delicious. Besides I have no idea how to roast anything. It would not end well. I’d most likely end up with a blaze like I had in the BBQ last week and burn the house down. And the neighbor’s house too, because it’s a townhouse.


If I lived next to someone like me, I would have the homeowners association insert a clause prohibiting me from cooking in any form. I’m as dangerous as Arthur Spooner with a hot plate.


I also like to try new recipes. It’s typically where I get the ideas that can be the problem. When I was a teen, I used to watch “Gomer Pyle” every week. On one episode, he kept talking about his grandma’s sugar bacon. The way he talked about it made it seem delicious, so I cooked breakfast for my brothers one day, putting plenty of sugar on the bacon. I know!


I was like Ralphie, from “Christmas Story”, picturing my brothers going nuts over my bacon concoction. They would swear I was the best cook ever. They each took a big bite of the bacon, paused, then bolted to the kitchen to spit it out as soon as possible. One of them even took a bite of butter, just to get rid of the taste.

I never tried it. Why would I? My brothers were running around acting like a gave them anthrax. That’s what guinea pigs are for, right?


Another time, I thought cinnamon waffles sounded like it would be awesome. See, you’re imagining it right now. So, once again I cooked breakfast for my brothers. As I removed the first warm, golden brown waffle, I divided it into halves and gave them to my brothers. They buttered them up and took a bite. They spit them out and called a hazmat team.

I still experiment once in a while. Normally, I like to barbecue the chicken we buy. A couple of weeks ago, it was raining pretty hard and I didn’t feel like getting wet, so I decided to bake the chicken breasts. We’re on the paleo eating system, so I prepared an almond flour batter, dipped each breast in the batter and baked them.


They looked hideous and were terribly bland. I mean no flavor at all. Plus, the breaded crust wasn’t crusty at all. It was sort of like a tasteless breading. We ate it, but never again. I’ll brave the rain next time or, wait a minute… What if I used the batter, but fried the chicken in olive oil? I think I’ll save the roast beef for another day.

See you tomorrow.

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Facebook: Jerry Mabbott
Twitter: @jmabbott

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