Shopping? Please, No!

Last week, my wife and I went shopping for clothes. A lady in front of us at the checkout pulled out her wallet and a remote control. The cashier asked what was up with the remote and the woman said, “Well, he wouldn’t go shopping with me, so I figured this was the best way to get even.”


Today was the first fireplace day. I have mixed emotions about it. I love the fire that offsets the outside chill, but it always signals a fall clothing trip. When we go to get just a few things, I can take it. I hate it, but I can handle it.

But this upcoming trip is for the Fall Season! A whole season! And it just can’t be put off. Last year’s sweaters are “so last year” and will not be acceptable this year under any circumstances.


I gave up fighting about it years ago. Besides, she knows how to bribe me. We always go to Tanger Outlets in Park City, Utah, which holds about 4,000 stores, but nearby is one of my favorite restaurants. Done and done. I can’t resist.

So, off I go on an all day (ugh) shopping expedition. I call it an expedition because we embark on a trip with nothing particular in mind. That’s the part that really drives me nuts. When I shop for anything, I know what I want and get in and out and on with the day.


When WE shop, we hit every single store in the whole center, even if she knows that she’s not going to buy something in some of the shops. If I ask why, she tells me not to spoil the experience for her.

I just don’t understand the concept of “window shopping”. What’s the point? Doesn’t it just set you up for a let down? I know it does with my wife. On the way home, she always says, “I should have bought that (insert clothing item here)”. Then we go back to get it the following week, only it’s gone by then, so we have to search every store to find something similar.


I always try to talk her into buying the item(s) at the time, but she says she doesn’t want to spend the money. So, we end up spending $20 more on gas for the trip back, only to come back empty handed with a very frustrated wife, which also means no dinner this time.

The other thing that drives me nuts is she never tries on the clothing. Never. I always suggest it, only to hear, “I know what size I wear”. I try to appeal to her sense of logic and reason by reminding her that different brands fit differently in the same size. Nope. We get home and at least two of the items don’t fit.


Now, if they don’t fit because they’re too big, that’s a good thing. But if they’re too small, God help me. It’s going to be a rough couple of days. “No, Sweetheart, you haven’t gained weight. You look wonderful!” We all know that doesn’t work, and yet it’s the only weapon we have to avoid becoming the target.


I think next time, I’m going to refuse to go… After I buy a spare remote.

See you tomorrow.

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Facebook: Jerry Mabbott
Twitter: @jmabbott

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