Take My Wife, Please!

Last year, we were burglarized in the middle of the night and never heard a thing. The guy was caught the next day and I told the cop I wanted to talk to the guy. “I need to know how he got in the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying that for years!”

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There are smart thieves, like in “Ocean’s 11” and “The Italian Job”, but there are more stupid crooks by far. Here are some examples that I find particularly funny.

In Albuquerque, New Mexico, a guy tried to steal computers from a college but got stuck in one of the windows. Oh the irony.

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Another guy broke into a home in Portland, Oregon. When he noticed the homeowner arriving, he fled to the bathroom and dialed 911 and said, “I just broke into a house, and the owners came home!” He was only charged with trespassing. He should have been charged with being an idiot.

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Another guy broke into a funeral home. I know! I don’t know why, either. He set off an alarm so he climbed into a coffin and played dead. Two problems: 1) He was dressed in dirty street clothes and 2) He was breathing! That was a classic case of cardiac arrest.

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I think I ever decided to become a thief, I would steal things like, oh I don’t know, perhaps money? From another thief. It has to be a pretty small community of thieves, and not the drug junkies. I’m talking about big bucks.

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I would only do it once and then immediately fly to a country with no extradition agreement with the US. Or, I would become a con man like Michael Cain and Steve Martin in “Dirty, Rotten Scoundrels”. That could be fun.

I know that thievery is dishonest and not honorable, but who among us has never wished they could pull off a big payday?

See you tomorrow.

Connect with me on:

Facebook: Jerry Mabbott
Twitter: @jmabbott


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