I know I’m getting old. Yesterday, I tried to straighten the wrinkles in my socks, only to find I wasn’t wearing any.
At 58 years old, I would like to say that I still feel like I’m 40,but I’d be lying. I feel every bit of 58. I know that people like to say that 50 is the new 40, but that is not the case and I’m betting that those who utter those ridiculous words are definitely not 50!
Example: When a guy in his 30’s goes to the doctor and says he has pain in his abdomen, the doctor will give him a prescription and send him on his way. If I go to the same doctor with the same exact symptoms, he’ll say, “Ooh, that’s gotta come out “.
Seriously, I was a healthy guy until I turned 50. Since then, I’ve been hospitalized for diverticulitis 3 times, twice proved nearly fatal. I eventually had to have a foot of intestine removed. I’ve had heart surgery. I’ve had an appendectomy, my shoulder rebuilt and most recently, my left knee surgically repaired. Oh, and a while ago, hmm, how can I put this gently; one of the twins ran away from home. I know!
I woke up on a Saturday morning, about four o’clock and I was in excruciating pain. I thought it was probably just a urinary tract infection, so I got up and tried to get comfortable. I remember my first reaction was to shout, “Aw, nuts”! The pain never diminished, and our doctor’s office was open on Saturday, so we went there at about noon.
The doctor said he agreed that it was most likely a UTI but just to be on the safe side, he wanted me to go to the hospital for a sonogram. So I went. The technician was a young lady, so we avoided eye contact completely. I’ve had sonograms before and the technician and I would chat it up. Not this time. It was very awkward.
She took a very long time, so I had a bad feeling about the situation. She excused herself, saying she needed to speak with the doctor. Uh oh. This can’t be good. I was right. Within moments, a surgical team rushed in and took me to emergency surgery. I remember being a little shaken up by this sudden turn of events and, as I was being wheeled in, I heard my wife yell, “Don’t worry honey, I’ll still love you even if you’re only half of a man”! Hardy har har.
When I came to in recovery, the surgeon said,” We did everything we could, but we couldn’t save it”. Seriously? I couldn’t have cared less if they could have saved the stupid thing. I just wanted the pain to stop. It’s not like I was going to father more children. I’m no polygamist.
But in the end, I wound up having a ball. So, you can see what I mean about turning 50. Outside of normal doctor appointments, I avoid going to get anything looked at or tested. I have only one kidney, so most everything has been removed already. I’m running out of spare parts.
50 the new 40? Right.
See you tomorrow.
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