Hello?

I avoid the word “hello” completely. It is almost always the last word spoken by murder victims on TV and the movies. If I were ever in that situation, I think I would say, “Hey, Jason, we finally found this guy. Let’s kill him!”

It’s kind of funny, the lines that are used just prior to the demise of a character. “(insert name here), is that you? You’re scaring me.”, is another great one. Also, in so many of these scenes, it takes place in the woods, at night, and the character in trouble runs deeper into the woods. Why not just hide?

It just seems to me that if you utter either one of those things I mentioned, you’re a gonner. Being proactive is a much better idea. I think my character would have to pack some heat, or at the very least, carry a machete – all of the time.

Maybe an offer of friendship would work. Something like, “Hey mister crazy, whacko psychopath, mind if I join you in your quest to rid the world of vermin?” You never know, the guy’s a nut job. It might just work. Anything but “hello?” Be creative, for crying out loud.

Maybe if the potential victim were to offer the psycho a pie? Everyone likes pie, even crazed sociopaths. I’d probably offer apple, because it will most likely be appealing to him. I think it’s the most commonly liked of all of the pies.

Perhaps getting on your cell phone and quickly order a pizza for delivery? That is my best idea yet! I’ve never known anyone who didn’t like pizza. You could even ask him what he wants on his half. If you throw in some cheesy garlic bread and something to drink, you’re guaranteed to live another day. It may cost more for delivery in the woods, but isn’t it worth it?

Just some thoughts. Hopefully, you will find these ideas helpful if you’re ever in that situation. Please feel free to leave your comments if you’re planning on using them or even after the fact, to let me know which idea you used and how you managed to escape.

See you tomorrow.

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