Moving Your House!

Every time the neighbors begin to start getting to know me, I tell them I’m in the witness protection program, so they should probably keep their distance.


I have moved so many times, I’m buying a motor home so the next time I want to move, I just have to turn a key and drive.

Moving is the worst, isn’t it? Every time I see a moving van, I cringe. The entire process is exhausting to me. Finding a new place to move is the only fun part for me.

Getting new neighbors, because the old ones start asking questions about me or they leave Christmas gifts on my porch. That’s too much pressure. Now, on top of all of the other holiday pressures, I have to get something for the Fitzgerald family because they left some soft soap with a ribbon on it.


I don’t need or want that. I want to be left alone. Maybe our next move should be to New York, where you can drop dead on the sidewalk and people just consider you a nuisance because they have to walk around you.


So, after you find a place, you have to begin recruiting people to help you move, and the sooner the better. If you’re going to move in a month, you call people and ask them if they have anything planned for the date you’re going to move. If the answer is no, you tell them that you’re going to move on that day and can you count on them for help.


Before long, you’ve got the moving crew, but it takes a lot of work. Then you have to decide what size truck to rent, something I used to very bad at, so now I rent a semi with a 45′ trailer. There will be plenty of room, no matter what, so only one trip. You start losing help if there’s a second or third trip. You just have to be sure you can get the trailer close enough to the new house without damaging the house or truck.


Back in the 80’s, I had to find a place and move, all in one day. Don’t ask, that’s just what needed to be done. With the help of my boss, I got an instant moving crew. I rented a Uhaul truck packed everything in about an hour and I drove the truck to the new place. Just as I pulled in, I hit the roof of the carport. Hard. The manager of the complex came out to the truck and one of my friends said, “Wow! Did you feel that earthquake?” She was not amused.


So, I paid to have it repaired. Fortunately, she took pity on me and only made me pay for materials. The truck sustained some damage, but I luckily paid $10 for insurance, the only time I’ve ever bought it.


Some people like to move. I hate it, although I’ve done it more than anyone I know. Let’s see, as an adult I’ve lived in California: Temple City, San Bernardino, Temple City again, Thousand Oaks, Alhambra, Walnut, Diamond Bar, Temple City again, San Marino, Fullerton, El Monte, Pomona, Diamond Bar again, Ontario, Long Beach, Playa Del Rey, Irvine, Lake Forest, San Louis Obispo, Monterey, West Hills. Utah: Ogden, Clearfield, Mountain Green, Syracuse, Farr West, Bountiful, West Haven, Harrisville. Idaho: Pocatello, twice. That’s insane!!


I need professional help, I think. Excuse me while I make some phone calls.

See you tomorrow.

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Facebook: Jerry Mabbott
Twitter: @jmabbott

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