Hoarders

I think it might be cool to be a hoarder if you kept everything in your front yard. That way, you could have a yard sale every weekend. Offsetting penalties, repeat the down.

image

Atheists deny God until they have a Jeff Daniels experience at someone’s house. Then its like, “Oh, God, no! This can’t be happening”

I have friends who will not, under any circumstances, use a public restroom. Call them germophobes, or whatever you like, but there’s just something about a public restroom that freaks them out.

image

A very good friend of mine and I worked at the same place. If he had to go, he would have to drive home. He’s not OCD, there’s just something about a restroom in any public place that is just too much to handle.

I can’t help but think of Jack Nicholson’s character in “As Good as it Gets “, when I think of someone being OCD. I’ve known people who have this condition, but not to that degree. Maybe if they were rich, it might happen, but I’ve never known a rich person with that problem.

image

I know other people who won’t touch a remote control at a hotel, which does make sense because it’s the only thing that never gets cleaned in the room. I know! It’s gross. I just don’t let it bother me. As long as I consistently wash my hands, I rarely get a cold or flu. I know people who bring a zip lock bag and put the remote in there. Brilliant idea!

image

Obviously, I don’t watch television in a hotel. I know what kind of movies some people watch and I’m not sure if I might get pink eye from looking at the same screen. You can’t be too careful.

image

I wonder if hoarders get sick a lot. They never seem to mention that on the show. You would think so, living in those conditions, but I’m not sure. Maybe, since there are so many germs, they kill each other in a giant world war type germ battle, leaving the dwellers safe. Who knows? I think I shouldn’t think of those things. I’m feeling a little nauseous right now.

image

Someday, I might become a hoarder just to get my own episode on TV. I would live that way just until the show was taped, then spend a week at the Ritz. I’m not sure if that would be a good way to get your 15 minutes of fame.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to peruse Craigslist to buy a hoarder starter kit.

See you tomorrow.

Check out my books at Amazon.com or click here.

Facebook: Jerry Mabbott
Twitter: @jmabbott


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s