Hit The Breaks!!!!

When I was a teenager I was begging my dad for a car. He said, “You have two legs. What do you think they’re for?” I said, “One for the break and gas and the other for the clutch.” Didn’t get the car. When I finally got a car I was a maniac. I broke … More Hit The Breaks!!!!

Who Cut It Up???!!!

Last night I dreamed that the floors in the house were all overgrown with grass. I’ve been known to sleepwalk and my wife was really mad this morning when she found the carpets shredded and the lawn mower in the kitchen. I can’t be held responsible for what I do in my sleep. Who knows? … More Who Cut It Up???!!!

She Switched?!?!?!

I was officiating a wedding and when I introduced the couple as married I heard a little girl ask her Mom, “Mommy, why did that lady switch?” Her Mom asked her what she meant. The girl said, “She came down with one man but left with another one.” Adorable. A child’s take on life can … More She Switched?!?!?!

Ugh! Again Already???

Never give Valentine’s cards unless you’re REALLY in love with the person. Every card is like “You’re my soul mate, I couldn’t live without you, I can’t imagine life without you, etc.” There should be cards that say, “Even though you’re not the one, things are OK.” When I was dating, I used to break … More Ugh! Again Already???