Have you ever had a dream that seemed like it really happened? I had one of those yesterday. I dreamed I was eating saltine crackers and raw hamburger while watching French mimes on TV. Suddenly Lady Gaga stormed in the front door and said “How dare you!!” and took off with the hamburger. Weird, eh? … More Seriously?? That Really Happened???
I used to live paycheck to paycheck just like everyone else. Over time that changed. Now I live direct deposit to direct deposit. You have to love today’s technology. It used to feel like a real accomplishment when you received a paycheck on payday. I miss those days. I understand that we don’t want to … More You Call This Progress????
When I was young, I learned the BIG swear word. Yeah, that one. I had no idea I shouldn’t be saying it. Oh but I was. My teacher said,”You can’t use that word on school grounds!” So I stood on my desk and yelled it. My Mom was not amused. Censorship is generally not a … More What??? You’re Censoring Me??? How Dare You!!!!
When I was a teenager I was begging my dad for a car. He said, “You have two legs. What do you think they’re for?” I said, “One for the break and gas and the other for the clutch.” Didn’t get the car. When I finally got a car I was a maniac. I broke … More Hit The Breaks!!!!
Last night I dreamed that the floors in the house were all overgrown with grass. I’ve been known to sleepwalk and my wife was really mad this morning when she found the carpets shredded and the lawn mower in the kitchen. I can’t be held responsible for what I do in my sleep. Who knows? … More Who Cut It Up???!!!
I was officiating a wedding and when I introduced the couple as married I heard a little girl ask her Mom, “Mommy, why did that lady switch?” Her Mom asked her what she meant. The girl said, “She came down with one man but left with another one.” Adorable. A child’s take on life can … More She Switched?!?!?!
Never give Valentine’s cards unless you’re REALLY in love with the person. Every card is like “You’re my soul mate, I couldn’t live without you, I can’t imagine life without you, etc.” There should be cards that say, “Even though you’re not the one, things are OK.” When I was dating, I used to break … More Ugh! Again Already???