I hate it when the local news here keeps going back to a ‘Breaking News’ story that was resolved an hour before the broadcast. I already know what I did, they’re just rubbing it in. It’s so ridiculous. They keep going back to the same reporter every five minutes to get the exact same ‘update’ … More Ok, I Get It Already!!!
Just when I thought it wasn’t possible, today I’m a bigger baseball fan than ever! Ok, so it’s because I gained 30 pounds during the off season, but still… Major league baseball is just a week from today! The smell of the freshly cut grass! Hot dogs! Nachos! Beer! The Crack of the bat! Juicing! … More I Can Smell The Grass!!
I have gout again, and I love it! Your foot swells up and every step feels like you’re walking on a broken foot. I’ve heard that ‘at least when you feel pain, you know you’re alive’. Um, I know I’m alive because I still have to pay taxes. I’m gonna track that guy who said … More I Feel Alive!!!
I used to work for a large cell phone company. My new boss from outside the company wasn’t ‘tech savvy’. One day he called me in his office because his new computer didn’t work. He was standing, pointing the mouse at the monitor and said he couldn’t get the remote to work. I swear, it’s … More Back Off!! I’ve Got This!!!
I was cleaning the garage yesterday. Suddenly, the Christmas tree box fell on me. I threw it off and it knocked over the metal gas can, which caused a spark, ignited the gas and torched the garage and Heather’s car. I am now in the witness protection program. Have you ever had a chain of … More Oy!! What A Day!!
I flunked my English class once. But I didn’t care. I remember thinking, “This is so lame. Like I’m ever gonna use this stuff out in the real world.” As an author, I don’t think I really thought that one through. I always hear people say the same thing about algebra, calculus, chemistry, etc. You’ve … More What??? I Flunked???
My landlord is so cool! I told him we needed a peep hole in the front door. He really didn’t want a hole in the door, so he bought a ring bell so I can see everyone who comes to the door before I open it. Now when the cops come for me, I can … More Knock Knock!! I Know Who You Are!!