Yes, the Echosystem Is really doing quite well. Everybody says it’s not because of too much pollution and plastic. I don’t get these scientists. If I stand in my yard and yell something, it always echoes back. Yet another example of scientific evidence conjured up… Wait, Ecosystem? As you were. The earth is full of … More Everything is just fine!
I’ve heard so many people say, “I can to trust him as far as I can throw him.” This is ridiculous. Why would you want to throw someone to determine their level of trust? I know one thing for sure. If someone threw me, I don’t think I would never trust them again. This concept … More I can’t trust you!
I don’t know why people call their wooden floors hard wood. Who would use soft wood for their floor? That is ridiculous. I think I’ll make my next floor out of balsa wood just to freak people out when each step they take breaks the floor. “You broke my floor, man. Now you must replace … More You broke my floor!!
I saw this written on a container of Drano: Harmful if swallowed. Who would consume Drano? Drano is for pipes, but the metal or plastic kind. If your throat pipes are clogged, you should see a doctor. And then check into a mental institution. There’s something wrong with you. Even if a person can’t read, … More Don’t drink that Drano!
One day bananas look, taste and smell great and the next day, the banana’s toxic fumes will try to kill you. Bananas should not ferment. Children eat them. I don’t think kids should be getting high off of bananas. They also come with stickers attached. I don’t need reading material on my banana. I think … More Don’t eat the bananas!!Don’t eat the bananas!!
I’m learning how to slice food with one of those ‘As seen on tv’ gadgets one finger at a time. I finally threw it away. I’m a bleeder. I don’t think having perfectly sliced cucumbers is worth bleeding out. I wish I was kidding, but I’m not. I’ve used the thing three times resulting in … More Somebody get me a tourniquet!
I’m in the mood for some silly duck jokes. What do a bike and a duck have in common? They both have a handlebar except for the duck. What does a duck have in common with a Ming Vass? Neither is a lamp. There ya go. When I lived in Eureka, California, our neighbors were … More These ducks can’t fly!
Our popcorn air popper died last night, so Heather used her blow dryer instead. I was amazed at how great it worked. I do wish she had used butter instead of gel and hairspray, though. That part was gross. I can remember a time when there were only a couple of ways people popped corn. … More This hair gel is disgusting!!
About a year ago, I happened upon a scene I’ll never forget. It was on a rainy Thursday night.. Wait it couldn’t have been a Thursday because that’s poker night. Anyway, it was downtown and… Wait, it couldn’t have been downtown because I don’t drive or take the bus. Actually, I don’t even recall what … More I don’t drive!!
I think I’ll run for president in 2024. I’m just as qualified as any of the front runners in any party. I made $1.2B last year and got a tax refund, been married 4 times. I’ve sent thousands of emails from my private server and I have an uncle who lives in Moscow, Idaho. I’m … More I’m running for president!