I finally realize that I need to join a gym and get in shape. I’ll work out for a full year. Let’s see, I pick 2028. There was a time when Heather and I went to the gym Monday through Saturday and really worked out hard. We really became addicted to exercise. I know! We … More I’m Going To Do It!!
I think it’s weird to hear ‘adding insult to injury’. Why would anyone do that? Tell someone who is clearly injured, “You’re ugly and your Mama is fat too.” That’s mean. Give them an ice cream cone. That’s sweet. This would be a clear cut case of bullying. Kicking someone when they’re down is cowardly, … More You’re Ugly!!!
When a ship or a plane is in trouble, they always say, “Mayday, Mayday!”. I think that month is selfish. We already celebrate May Day. The other months should get a chance too. Why should we continue to hurt their feelings? To add insult to injury, we mock April by calling it’s first day ‘April … More Mayday! Mayday!
I hate it when someone says “It hurt so bad it wasn’t even funny.” It isn’t supposed to be funny. You got hurt. It shouldn’t be funny unless you’re one of the Three Stooges. Those guys were funny! I never have never understood that phrase and it’s used all the time. I don’t ever think … More That’s Not Even Funny!!!
The perfect lines to use if you don’t want a second date, preferably right before you speed off after dropping her off; “I’ve had a great time! Unfortunately, it wasn’t with you.” I know! Very cruel and cowardly but it works as long as she doesn’t know where you live, work or your favorite hangouts … More I Don’t Like You!!!
My knucklehead friend is not computer savvy. He called a tech who asked, “Ok, now which lights are on?” My friend said, “Let’s see, the kitchen, the office, of course and the refrigerator; that thing is on 24/7.” Some people just don’t understand computers. I understand that if they’re elderly, although my Mom has it … More The Lights Are On, But… You Get It.
I stayed in a hotel that was so old they sent me a wake up letter. Ah, the glamor of stand up comedy. The lights! The audience! A microphone and a stool! That’s all a comedian needs. Oh, plus something to say. Plus the ‘something’ needs to be very funny. Funny enough to make any … More I’m Going To Miss My Flight!!!