Signal ahead!!

I saw a sign that read ‘Signal ahead”. I told Heather to stop the car about 10’ ahead and began frantically waving down cars. I fired a flare gun. The fire department came and quickly doused the fire started from the gun. I even got a citation! Sweet! I don’t think we can take chances … More Signal ahead!!

I can’t dance!!

I performed at a party thrown by some rich people. I was watching the gardeners and one jumped up and did graceful swirling dance moves. A lady yelled, “Bravo! I’ll pay a hundred dollars to see that again!” The other gardener yelled, “Hey, Ed! Do you think you can step on the rake again?” First … More I can’t dance!!

I’ve been taken!!

We took Heather’s Mom to brunch. It was magical and by that I mean they had a guy doing table magic. I asked him how he did a trick and he said, “I could tell you but I would have to kidnap you, never to return.” I said, “I understand. Could you tell my Mother-in-law?” … More I’ve been taken!!

run for your life!!

Last night we were watching ‘A Quiet Place’. Suddenly, Heather sneezed and I wet myself. What a great movie, but not to be watched at home on the fourth of July or New Years Day. Unexpected noises will freak you out! It’s kind of like when your mother in law announces without warning that she’ll … More run for your life!!

I love applesauce!!

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Therefore applesauce everyday should keep all drunk doctors away. Typically, you wouldn’t think a physician would come to work after a bender but the odds are some of them do and I think they’re all mine. I know! It took a host of the best doctors in … More I love applesauce!!

I can’t golf!!

I’m a terrible golfer. The last time I went, a shot landed in the deep rough, in the trees. I used my seven iron to attempt to get out. Then I saw a skeleton with a seven iron by his side. I know! I was startled and immediately got my nine iron. Clearly I wouldn’t … More I can’t golf!!