14 years ago today, I started an airline called ‘Stealth Airlines’. I sold a lot of tickets for about a week, claiming my planes were invisible. I’ve hidden out in the Bermuda Triangle since then. It seems like people can’t take a joke anymore. I don’t believe that the US has an extradition treaty here … More You Have Invisible Planes?????
Ok, I admit it. I’m the one who meddled with the election. It wasn’t the Russians at all. They were just an easy target. My candidate, a guy named Mike, wasn’t on the ballot, so I had no choice. He lost anyway, so it’s a mute point. I’m sure I’ll be hearing from Homeland Security … More I Did It! I Meddled With The Election!!!
Yesterday was a weird day. I decided I would do whatever was on my mind without thought of consequence. So I stole a white duck, a Rolls-Royce convertible (I kicked the sales guy out the door and took off) There’s more. A lot more… I even let the duck drive. Some people say they can’t, … More Was It Just A Dream??? A Nightmare???
Is it really possible to roll over in your grave? It seems to me that bodies are packed in pretty tight. No, I’m pretty sure of it. Not enough room. Oh, plus the guy is dead. What a strange thing for someone to say and yet we hear it all the time. “You’re Daddy would … More He’d Roll Over In His Grave!!!!!
Friday night, after returning home from the Real Salt Lake futball match, I had to keep putting ice under my tongue because it hurt pretty bad. I know! Turns out I sprained it by yelling so much during the match. I’m just lucky I didn’t break it. I’ve yelled plenty of times at sporting events. … More I Sprained My What????
Since I set my GPS to a female voice, every time someone insults her intelligence, I am deeply offended and become incredibly defensive. I even punched a friend in the face because he wouldn’t stop. On Friday night, Heather and I attended our first Major League Soccer match. Neither of us remembered exactly how to … More My GPS Is An Idiot And A Genius!!!!
I went to the credit union where Heather works and told the teller I wanted to open a joint account. “No problem”, she said. “Heather will be on the account?” I said, “Oh no. Pick anyone who has a lot of money.” At least I thought it was funny. Wouldn’t that be cool? Just join … More Anyone??? Are You Kidding Me???