Where did I put it??

Yesterday I was messing around with my computer. Heather asked me what I was doing. I said “I’m trying to fix a problem. My pc says it can’t see my printer!” She said. “That doesn’t surprise me. Your office is a disaster. I can’t see your printer either!” I’ll admit, I do have a pretty … More Where did I put it??

I’m addicted!!

Yesterday, we were on the way to a Bible study. We got a few blocks away when Heather realized she forgot her Chapstick. She suddenly did a better fish tail turn around than Jason Bourne and burned rubber all the way home. When she got back in the car she said, “That’s better.” I said … More I’m addicted!!

The Russians are coming!!

I figured it out! Russia has been infiltrating spies for decades! Just think about the subtle comparisons. Cosmonauts/Cosmetologists. Who would suspect? And I’m pretty sure they get their assignments from special codes inside Cosmopolitan Magazine. I have been in touch with the FBI several times and they’re taking this very seriously. I wouldn’t be surprised … More The Russians are coming!!

I shot you first!!

On Tuesday, two Alabama men decided it would be fun to put on bullet proof vests, go in the back yard and shoot each other. They followed through but one of them had to go to the hospital. They were both arrested. Just a hunch, but do you think there was moonshine involved? Seriously, the … More I shot you first!!

Restrain yourself!!

I never know what to do when I meet someone who I’ve always wanted to meet, so I instantly make deep eye contact with them for uncomfortable periods of time before speaking. I’m convinced that they’ll never forget me. I have 47 restraining orders to prove it. Bill Murray is someone that I have always … More Restrain yourself!!

You drive me nuts!!

I saw my therapist a few days ago. She scolded me for missing my last two appointments because my condition is serious. I said, “I know, but I was just doing what you told me.” She said, “I haven’t told you to skip appointments!” I said,”No, but you told me to avoid people who irritate … More You drive me nuts!!